


Never Be The Same

by Segskog (Missesbean)



Series: The Great and Terrible Trade [1]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF, Real Person Fiction, Sports RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:54:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22121392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missesbean/pseuds/Segskog
Summary: Tyson's in Toronto.  Nate is lost. Andre wants to fix it all.  What's a Dogg to do.
Relationships: Andre Burakovsky/Nathan MacKinnon, Past Tyson Barrie / Nathan MacKinnon
Series: The Great and Terrible Trade [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1593970
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	Never Be The Same

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU to my three lovely betas (you know who you are!) I don't know what I would have done without you pals' help!
> 
> Thank you, Syd, for putting up with my backpack needs! 
> 
> Thank you, CardiC, for dealing with my rants! 
> 
> Disclaimer: If you have found this by searching yourself, family member, friend, etc, turn back now. This is all a work of fiction.

It was never supposed to be this way. It was supposed to be Tyson who was beside him in bed. Tyson, who smelled like whipped cream and dessert, with a slight spice. Tyson who wiggled closer in his sleep, Tyson who always had his ankle bone touching Nate somewhere in bed. Tyson, who would chuckle huskily at Nate’s cashmere sleep pants (they were very cozy, thank you very much). Tyson who grunted in his sleep if Nate was still watching tv. Tyson, who wore ridiculous flannel pants that had seen better days. Tyson, who fit just right beside Nate. Tyson, whom he trusted with his entire life. Tyson. 

Never in a million years had he anticipated seeing Burky’s head on the pillow beside his own. Burky, who was slowly wiggling his way into Nate’s life. Burky, who made the lonely days a little less somber. Burky, who smelled sweet and fruity, like a fruit dessert, which was just... not right. Nate groaned silently to himself and carefully shoved his face back into the pillow, taking a long, deep breath.  _ His _ pillow didn’t smell right, either. 

He rolled over onto his back, not worrying about the man beside him at that moment. He slept like a log, also unlike Tyson, who would wake if Nate breathed wrong. It was just so  _ off _ to Nate. He was supposed to be with Tyson. But Tyson was in Toronto. 

He was supposed to be  _ alone _ without Tyson. At least, that’s what Nate had said. Tyson had said he needed to “move on” and “find a new normal.” In Nate’s mind, that meant he did life alone with Tyson at a distance, and they would eventually reunite and things would be okay. That would be the new normal, and he would be able to have his Tyson time, just not all of the time. Apparently, that wasn’t what it had meant to Tyson. Nate couldn’t decide if he was cheating on himself or Tyson. But Burky was in his bed. 

Nate scrubbed the palms of his hands over his face and sat up slowly, pulling his sheets back, to reveal Andre curled up, in his own cashmere pants. It was slowly becoming a new normal. 

He felt guilty, but he felt relief all at the same time. Nate was good at solitude. He was good at being on his own, but he wasn’t good at recognizing when he needed to not withdraw. He struggled to know when he needed to get himself back in order and socialize a little bit. He was prone to keeping to himself to the point of becoming a recluse. Tyson had always wordlessly ensured that it didn’t happen. After the trade, EJ had tried to drag him out, but it wasn’t the same. Tyson had always been capable of getting Nate to do more than he would have on his own. 

Andre, well, he was doing the same thing, but in a completely different manner: putting a smile back on Nate’s face during warmups, helmet bumps were becoming his new normal. 

He’d been there the night after the game versus Toronto when he’d actually had to play _ against _ Tyson. When it all became  _ real _ . Sure, he and Tys had grabbed dinner the night before and caught up, but Tyson had gone back to the hotel, not his or Nate’s house, and Tyson hadn’t invited Nate. In fact, he’d made sure Nate knew he wasn’t invited, going so far as to drop Mo’s name more than Nate wanted to hear. It had hurt, more than Nate had imagined was possible. 

As Nate sat on the edge of the bed, head in his hands, he remembered that night from a month ago and felt the bile rise in his stomach. Tyson had given him a hug and a smile and stayed close to him all night at dinner. Then he’d told him Mo was waiting, and he had to get back, but it was good to catch up. He’d given Nate a hug, and Nate had held tightly, inhaling the scent that was Tyson, not wanting to let go. Tyson had laughed it off and all but pried himself away, a pained look that Nate had missed. Tys had joked about The Dogg being needy, and Nate had joked back, shrugging. 

Then, there had been the game. Tyson’s first game back at the Can and Nate had felt that pain in his chest and his stomach more than he knew possible. He’d watched as Tys scooped pucks out of the net for his enemy. No, Nate’s enemy. Tyson was supposed to be the enemy. But Nate could never picture Tys as his enemy. Not in a million years. Tys was his  _ person. _ He’d stolen as many little moments with Tyson as he could, but it wasn’t the same. Wouldn’t ever be the same. 

Nate scrubbed his palms over his eyes again as he wiggled on the bed, hot tears threatening to fall from the corners of his eyes. It hurt way more than he had ever thought was possible. He tried to think of positive things, but all he could do was let the pain swallow him and drag him back into the pit of despair he was living in these days.

*** 

He stayed in his pit for several days. Several days of Burky giving him the “look” but not saying anything. Several days of Burky staying the night and watching trash TV with Nate for as long as he wanted. There were stolen moments, where Nate would find himself in a daze and glance up to see Burky staring at him. Moments when Nate would catch himself stuck on Andre’s lips while he spoke, and his ass when he walked away. It was all starting to run together. They spent more nights together than not. It had started strictly as snuggle buds, but, here they were. Not just snuggle buds. But then the team went to Toronto. And EJ and Burky were both out. And Nate did life on his own. 

Nate texted Tyson, asking if he wanted to grab dinner. And of course, Tyson said yes. He invited Nate over to his--well--Naz’s apartment. Nate was positive that he was going to get Tyson on his own finally. He was feeling good, relaxed, ready for life. Until he got to the apartment and Morgan opened the door. 

Nate felt like he was being kicked in the stomach as he went in, quickly navigating to where Tyson was in the kitchen, a glass of wine, dinner on the stove, and Gabe at the stool in the kitchen, chatting idly while he swirled his own glass of white. 

He was greeted by them both, and a knowing glance from Gabe. So this was a setup. 

“Landy, I didn’t know you were coming. I would have ride shared with you,” Nate made a smile towards Gabe. 

“Oh, no biggie. I’ve been here for a while,” he smiled small, shrugging. 

“Oh,” Nate nodded, giving Tyson a glance. 

Tyson was doing everything possible to avoid his eyes. 

“So, nice place, Brutes. Glad to see you’re living the highlife,” Nate smirked and sat down by Gabe, doing his best to put on a happy face. It wasn’t working though. Everybody knew it. 

Tyson nodded, sliding a glass of wine wordlessly in front of Nate, who wasted no time in taking a long sip. Gabe’s brow rose, but he didn’t say anything. 

“What’s for dinner, Brutes?” Nate asked softly, avoiding looking at anybody but Tyson. 

“Salmon. . . some asparagus . . . some potatoes,” he smiled and went over to the oven. “And of course, I’m making chocolate lava cakes, just for you.” 

Nate nodded with a grin and a shake of his head, “Just for me? More like just for you.” 

Gabe chuckled, “He’s right, Tys . . . you’re using guests for a dessert excuse.” 

“Ah shut up, all of you, and don’t you,” he pointed his fork at Morgan, “even start with me. We’re celebrating. Gabe is a daddy, which, we all knew you were already but, hey. Nate is on a fucking ROLL, Mo is getting paired with moi, and I got a new set of ramekins!” 

Everybody just smirked, nodding wordlessly. All three knew better than to argue with Tyson when it came to dessert. 

Dinner had gone well, and Nate was feeling like things were okay. They’d had drinks after and just shot the breeze, but then Gabe said they should get back to the hotel and Nate, well, he didn’t like it. Mainly, because Mo acted like he was right at home. Nate felt territorial about Tys, and the fact that his and Mo’s thighs were still touching on the sofa-- Why wasn’t Morgan moving to go home? Well, Nate wasn’t handling it well. 

Tyson slowly rose and looked up at Nate and Gabe with fond eyes. “I’m so glad you guys came over,” he said and gave Gabe a bro hug before moving to Nate, repeating the gesture. Nate was aware of other sets of eyes on him and had to keep it held back. He didn’t let go though when Tyson did, instead holding himself closer, “Please, Tys.” 

Tyson knew and wrapped his arms tighter back around Nate. “Dogg, it’s okay. You’re doing good, okay? You gotta go back with Gabe though, okay?” 

Nate shook his head, clinging to Tyson. Gabe distracted Morgan, asking him about some new gear and some sporting shit, while Tyson got Nate to the kitchen. 

“Nate,” Tyson stated, sighing softly. “We can’t do this.” 

“Tys, why not?” he gently brushed his hand over Tyson’s face gently, as if memorizing the lay of his skin. 

“Nate, you need to move on, you can’t stay on this, you’ve gotta get over me.” 

“Just, one night, Tys? Just cuddling? Please? I can’t sleep, I miss you, it’s not the same, and I-- I need you,” Nate was all but pleading. 

Tyson let out a long sigh, “Okay, Dogg. One night, but this is it. I’ll come over to your room after Mo leaves.” 

Nate nodded, clinging to Tys just a little longer. 

“You have to leave now, Nate,” Tyson spoke softly. 

“Okay. . . 1412,” he told his room number and pulled back, getting his shit together. 

He was going to be okay. He’d get Tyson for tonight, and he’d finally be able to actually sleep. 

In a few hours, Tyson would be back in his room, and they would be together, just them. Nate needed that time. With what appeared to be his final goodbye, he left with Gabe, sighing softly as they got into an Uber. 

Gabe, ever knowing, glanced over at Nate. “You’ve gotta get over it, man. Tyson’s in Toronto, Nate. He moved forward. He’s not with us. It hurts like hell, I know, but you have to, Nate. Not just for the team, but for yourself.” 

Nate was wordless as he shrugged and nodded, head down as they headed into their hotel. He was going to shower and put on his pajamas. He was watching TV when he heard the knock. He had to remind himself not to run when he went to open the door. 

Tyson stood on the other side in a pair of sweats, looking radiant as ever. He silently let himself in and started turning off the lights and locked the deadbolt, shaking his head at all of the clothes strewn throughout the room. 

“C’mon, Nate,” he gestured towards the bed, crawling into his side of the bed. Nate had on his ridiculous cashmere sweats per usual. He crawled in, sliding up by Tyson. 

Tys slid down so his head was nestled on the pillow and glanced over at Nate. 

“We can’t do this anymore, Dogg. This is it. We have to move on, okay?” He reached a hand out and rubbed Nate’s arm softly. “You’re just hurting yourself more this way. Remember what I said before I left?” 

Nate nodded, “Yeah, you said I was always your Dogg.” 

Tyson sighed, “And I also said, that you’ll always be one of my best friends, right? But remember, I said, that we have to stop this. No more overnights, no more benefits, remember?” 

  
  


“Tyson--” Nate started. 

“No, Nathan, listen to me. This? This is it. It’s too hard on you, and it’s too hard on me. I can’t go back to where I was in October, okay? I have to do this for me, too.” Tyson sighed and pressed a lazy, chaste kiss to the top of Nate’s head. 

Nate swallowed thickly, “Okay.” He burrowed closer to Tyson, making the most of his last night. 

Nate heard Tyson sigh but felt him pull Nate close, rubbing soft circles on his back. One more night. This was it. Nate was already fast asleep in his arms, oblivious to the fact that Tyson didn’t sleep.

***

Nate had woken up in such a better mood, that he radiated a feeling of pleasure. It wasn’t to be missed, with his little smiles at breakfast, or the way he greeted each player. He just knew, which lead to him sending a text that was definitely not one to be repeated, nor was it a text he had ever thought he was going to have to send to Tyson, of all people. But, he had, and now, well, he was prepared to deal with the after-shock on the flight home. Nonetheless, now was  _ not _ the time for any ‘meddling’ to be happening. 

After the game, though? They were all flying on a post-win high, and as Gabe watched Nate seek out Tyson before he needed to be on the bus, he felt somewhat guilty for dampening Nate’s excitement. But, he also knew it was the best for both parties. Gabe couldn’t handle both Tyson and Nate texting him with heartbreak. Okay, so Nate didn’t really, but he did send Gabe strings of sad faces because he knew Gabe would understand. And honestly? Gabe (and Mel) were tired of them. It was time. 

*** 

As Nate sat on the plane back to Denver, he found himself frustrated instead of relishing the feeling of the win. He was frustrated that Tyson had ghosted him like he had. He sat in his own row, tucked in the back, where he hoped nobody would bother him. Gabe had glanced at him earlier with a weird look, but Nate had just put his head down, and besides, Gabe was a weirdo, Nate knew that. 

He was deep in his feels when Tyson’s texts wouldn’t send, so with the in-flight meal ready, he decided he would just shoulder his way up and look for something to eat. He was pretty hungry and the in-flight meals were usually decent. So, with his headphones on, head down, he stomped through the bodies and went up to the catering station, grunting when he saw that they were having salmon on the flight back.  _ Salmon!  _ Why did it have to be  _ salmon?! _ Of course, nobody else would associate Tyson to salmon, but to Nate, he had fond memories of burning salmon while he and Tys made sweet love on the sofa. Dinner with Gabe and Mo. Salmon. He hated it now. 

He asked the service worker if there was any other option, and when she reported they only had salmon left, he grunted an okay and then glared back at the guys with chicken, swiped a plate and loaded down with everything, even the stupid salmon, and stomped back through the masses. 

Josty, ever the chaotic demon, looked up at Nate with a scoff. “Dude, we won, why are you such a grumpy gills?” 

There was a general hush as Nate turned his head quickly on Josty, jaw clenched. 

Not missing a beat, JT had a response that shut up Josty, “He’s on a Tyson withdrawal. Shut up and offer him your chicken.” 

Josty elbowed JT and moved back into his seat, suddenly very interested in his plate, head down as Nate frowned and continued stomping. 

Gabe glanced back at Nate with a look that said “cool it” before he gave Josty the same look. For having been a dad a very short period of time, he sure had that unimpressed EJ look down well. 

Nate threw himself back into the seat and started to eat, grunting at the salmon with each bite, as if awaiting an apology. Of course, the salmon did  _ not _ apologize and Nate was left with a heavy heart and a full stomach. 

*** 

For several days after Toronto, Nate tried to get ahold of Tyson, to no avail. He called, he texted, he FaceTimed, and embarrassingly enough, he Instagram dm’d. Obsessively. For two and a half weeks. He was sure that Tyson’s phone was broken until he was on his way to the game versus Chicago. While stopped in the hallway to smile at the Media folks, Tyson called him. Nate was beside himself with excitement when he saw Tyson’s face flash on his screen. 

“Brutes!” He answered, “Dude, you break your phone?! Go dormant? Like, what the hell man, it’s been weeks!” 

“Nate,” Tyson started, voice thick, low, serious. 

“Are you okay, man? I’ve been trying to get ahold of you, and like-” Nate was cut off though. 

“Nate, listen to me, and listen completely, okay?” Tyson asked softly. 

“What? Tyson, you sound weird,” Nate laughed quietly. 

“Nathan, Please. Do not speak, just listen to me, okay? I need to tell you something.” 

“Okay, Tys ...” Nate was hesitant, it was never a good sign when Tyson used his full name. 

“You can’t call me anymore, Nate. No more FaceTime, no more two am voicemails when you’re upset or sad, okay? This is over. You’re my friend, Nate, but we can’t do this. I,” Tyson paused, waiting for Nate to follow. “I have someone else now, Nate. I don’t want you to call me anymore, okay? It hurts too much and it’s too hard. I know this is going to hurt-- trust me, I get it, I do, okay? In the words of my Queen and Savior, Celine, the heart will go on. I’m sorry, Nate, I have to go. See you around.” 

The call ended with a click, and Nate felt his heart shatter in his chest. His stomach rolled, and he felt like he was going to vomit. He felt his face redden as he pulled the phone down from his head and looked at the screen. It had ended. He hadn’t imagined that Tyson had just hung up on him. He checked the call log and saw that he really did have a call from “Tys<3” and it really had just ended. 

Just like that, a five-year relationship had ended. Over the phone.  _ Tyson _ of all people. Nate was the heartbreaking asshole, not Tyson. He, fortunately, had kept walking and was now outside the player’s lounge, where he slid down the wall and tucked his head into his chest. If there were a few hot tears, well, Nate would swear they were from the pain of him stubbing his toe. On something. In the hall. Don’t argue. He’s Nathan MacKinnon, dammit. So what did he do? Stay on the floor, with his head in his hands until Burky found him. 

Wordlessly, the brunette man slid down the wall by Nate and looked over at him. “Find a good seat?” 

Nate grunted and looked up, shrugging, eyes red and a bit puffy. “Enh, I-” he started, but Andre shook his head. 

“You don’t have to explain. You’re not feeling yourself, I get it. But, we need to go get you ready for the game, so. You need to get up and come in with me before Gabe comes out to find you . . . “ he winked. 

“Shit,” Nate groaned and looked up at Andre. “Is he going to be crazy mad?” 

“Nah, he’s just worried that you’re not here yet. It’s not like you,” Andre added softly. 

“Yeah, okay,” he stood up, shaking his arms and legs out as he stood. “Beat the Hawks, eh?” He tried to give Burky a big smile. 

Andre just laughed, “That’s right, buddy, beat the Trashawks.” 

*** 

Unfortunately, they didn’t beat the Blackhawks, and furthermore, Nate had what felt like one of the worst games of his life. No goals. No assists. A -3, if he was worried about that (which, okay he worried about all stats) and a shitty outlook on life. Gabe had given him weird looks during intermissions, and Nate had shrugged. But, here they were. It was going to be okay, right? 

While Gabe took most of the media, Nate was quick to get out of his media scrum, and went to shower, scalding off all of the trash of the day. When he did emerge from the shower, he was scrubbed pink, skin flushed from the hot water, and looked like someone had told him his dog died. His face was down, towel over his head like a habit, and a frown on his face as he quickly got changed. 

He looked around the room, realizing he was one of three left--Gabe and Burky the other two. It was like those two were having a silent Swedish beauty discussion, and Nate was just here in the room. But who knew. Gabe was soon out the door, obviously home to his wife and daughter, and Burky sat silently, waiting. 

“C’mon, Nate, let’s go get something to eat,” he spoke softly. 

Nate shook his head, “‘M not hungry.” 

“You need to eat, come on.” He nodded towards the door, shifting his weight awkwardly on his feet. “I rode with Gabe, you can drive me and I’ll crash with you.” 

Nate grunted, “I don’t think so.” 

“Well, I didn’t ask, so, let’s go,” Burky deadpanned and grabbed the keys out of Nate’s hand and started towards the player’s lot, wordlessly. 

Nate scowled but followed after him to his car - his own car! - where Andre was crawling into the driver’s seat with an expression of annoyance that he had to be waiting for Nate. 

“Dude,” Nate looked at him with a shake of his head. 

“What?” Andre looked over curiously. 

“I’m not into this shit, just so you know,” Nate grunted, throwing himself into his seat and putting his belt on. 

“What shit? Being an asshole all night? Or getting out of your fucking head?” 

“Excuse you?” Nate glowered over at Andre. 

“You heard exactly what I said; I’m not going to make you have this conversation tonight. This is your free pass. So, we’re going to go get Chipotle. You’re going to eat it. Then we’re going to your house, where we’re going to get in bed and watch some TV and you’re going to relax because you can’t keep this shit up.” Burky gave Nate a pointed look and waited before he pulled out of the parking lot and towards the nearest Chipotle. 

*** 

With a full belly, a shot of Patron (Burky’s idea), and a bottle of water, Nate was propped up on pillows in bed, Burky beside him in matching pants and House Hunters on in the background. Nate was rolling his eyes and elbowing Burky at the pretentious comments from a couple, like normal. Generally, Burky would have snorted and made a comment about compensation, but not tonight. He just grunted - a very Nate noise - and kept his nose in his phone, reading something that Nate couldn’t see. 

Nate frowned and looked over at Andre, nudging him again. The brunette didn’t look up though, instead, he pulled his arms closer to his body, lost in his thoughts as he looked at his phone. Nate’s wheels were spinning as he looked at Andre, lip bitten. Something was off, this wasn’t like normal, and while he was in his own head, Nate actually wasn’t dense enough to miss the weirdness. So, he did what felt the most normal, and he reached over and poked Andre in the side. 

“Andre,” he whined out his name before he looked at Burky. 

Burky grunted and elbowed at Nate. 

Nate took it upon himself to elbow and poke-pinch at Andre again, receiving another elbow and his own pinch to the side. 

“Dude, leave me alone,” Burky grunted, pulling his phone back towards his face. 

Nate grunted and pushed at his phone, reaching over to flick his fingers over the sensitive skin on Andre’s side, where he knew he would receive a reaction. The guy was ticklish. Not that Nate was really one to talk, but, still. 

Andre howled in surprise and looked at Nate with a wounded expression before he tossed his phone on the nightstand and launched himself at Nate, tickling Nate’s hips where Andre knew he would lose it. Before either of them knew what was happening, they were literally rolling on the bed, limbs in every direction, fingers pinching and tickling at skin, howls erupting from deep within their bellies. 

Nate was pinned under Burky, who had a triumphant grin on his face, but not for long. With a smirk, Nate took control and used his thighs to roll them over, pride on his face as he perched atop Andre’s hips. He had one hand pinning Burky’s arms down, holding him in place as he held his face mere inches from his, breath hot on Burky’s lips. 

Nate watched him with soft eyes, frustrated that he’d let himself get to this point and that Burky was so damn beautiful. He had so much in front of him, and he was all but pissing it away. He knew that the man in front of him wanted nothing more than to make his day better, but it was so hard. Nate knew he needed to do better, not just for himself, but for Andre. 

With a grin, Nate pressed a chaste kiss to Burky’s mouth, “I know we have to talk. You’re not okay either . . .” 

“Remember, not tonight, Nathan. Not tonight,” Andre gave him a soft look. 

Nate nodded and pressed another soft kiss before sliding back down beside him. Andre hadn’t ever called him Nathan before. Something was definitely off for them both, but he wasn’t going to push it. 

*** 

Christmas arrived quickly, and Nate found himself confused as to what he was supposed to do with his time and self. Every other year, he and Tyson did something together with their families. But this year, well, he just didn’t know. His parents were coming down after the New Year, so he didn’t plan to see them for the holiday. Gabe had invited him over because that was just how Gabe was, but Nate didn’t want to interrupt Baby’s First Christmas and all of that. Plus, he got sentimental around Mel and Zoey, and the baby would only make it worse. 

So, of course, he did what felt the most normal, and he sent a text to Tyson, asking if he wanted to get together for Christmas. When he didn’t get an answer, Nate took the opportunity to give Tyson a call. What he heard was the final nail, though. It was a standard carrier’s message. “The number you have called is no longer in service. If you think you have received this message in error, please hang up and try your call again.” 

Nate knew that Tyson used a voicemail service and could set the messages because they had used it on EJ once. Blocked. Tyson had blocked him. Nate felt like he was being punched in the gut. It was really over. All of it. The friendship. The relationship. All of it. Tyson wanted nothing to do with him. He felt the kick to his stomach again and lost his ability to put words together. He went downstairs to the living room and plopped on the sofa, tucking up under his blanket. 

Which, tucked under the blanket, was where he stayed until Andre stopped in front of him with a look of displeasure. 

“Well, I’m going up to snowmobile with some of the boys . . .and we want you to come . . .” He offered softly. 

Nate shook his head, slowly curling down to the pillows, “No thanks, I”m busy.” 

“Busy with what, Nathan?” Andre asked with a raised brow. 

“Stuff. . . and traditions, and -” he tried to think of what else. 

Nate watched as Andre rolled his eyes and shook his head, “Okay, Nathan. Stay here. Wallow in the fact that Tyson didn’t take your call today. Wallow in the fact that this relationship you had with him, it’s over. Like he told you. I’m not going to baby you along on this anymore, Nathan. He told you. It’s done. It hurts, I get it, but it’s over. He’s in Toronto, and you’re here.” 

Nate grunted and looked up at Burky with wrinkled eyebrows and frustration (but really, what looked like annoyance and constipation on his face). 

“So, you have two choices. Stay here and sulk, or come with us and go have some fun, but I’m not asking again.” 

The blonde looked up at Andre with a shake of his head, “I’m going to lay down.” 

Nate got up and took his blanket with him, storming up the stairs. 

He was tucked into his bed, covers up around his chin and Cox on his feet when he heard the slam of the door downstairs. Andre had left, and here he was, alone on Christmas. Heartbroken, mind reeling, and a realization that he had completely messed up. Not just with Tyson, but with Andre as well. 

*** 

Nate was waiting downstairs with coffee and snacks for Andre, hopeful he’d come over after the day on the mountain. He sent him a text, telling him he had refreshments, only to receive a response that Andre was going home and straight to bed. 

With a huff, Nate dumped out the coffee, put the cookies in a Tupperware container and retired to his bed, mind full of thoughts about Tyson, Andre, and what he was going to have to do to fix all of this mess. 

Nate found himself tossing and turning, to the point that Cox jumped down from the bed and curled up on his pillow at the end of the bed, grunting as he snuggled down for sleep. Nate grunted back, childishly, and turned the bedside lamp on, sitting up. He found himself with a piece of paper and pen from the drawer, angrily scribbling out a list of things he needed to do tomorrow. After three notepad pages, he felt some relief and was able to put down the pen and the paper, turn off his light, and go to sleep. Finally. 

*** 

Practice was a drag, too many cookies, too many cheat meals, and too many lazy bodies. Or something like that. Nate found himself busting his ass more than normal, working to make up for his attitude these past few weeks. He even greeted everybody in the locker room, which, apparently, was causing some concern with the looks Josty and JT were giving him. And Gabe. 

After he showered and changed, he found himself hanging around for Burky, knowing he needed to first apologize, and secondly thank him. He deserved an immense amount of gratitude for putting up with Nate and his shit attitude, and Nate knew it. 

It was like Andre was avoiding him, though, and Nate couldn’t blame him. So he did what he knew best, and didn’t give up. He waited until everybody else was out until it was just him and Andre, who’d emerged from the showers finally (a lobster pink color). Nate kept his head down, eyes on his feet while he waited for Andre to get dressed. 

“Hey, uh, wanna grab a bite?” Nate asked softly, looking over at Andre. 

“Uhm,” there was hesitation in his voice. 

“I’m buying,  _ and _ there’s dessert,” Nate offered, hopeful smile in place. 

Andre heaved a sigh before shrugging, “I guess, but only if we can go get sushi.” 

Nate groaned inwardly, but nodded, “Sure. You pick the place, send me the address and we’ll meet there.” 

If Nate was willing to buy  _ and  _ have sushi, Andre wasn’t going to turn this one down. He was groveling, and he didn’t care if Burky knew it. 

***

As the platter of raw fish was placed in front of him (Burky had ordered for him) Nate swallowed thickly and shook his head. Thankfully, there were no eyes looking up at him, and it all looked like very rare meat, and not  _ fish _ . Or something like that. Nate was trying to convince himself this was all going to be okay. 

He felt Burky’s eyes on him as he used his chopsticks (awkwardly so) and picked up a salmon roll, looking at it intently, before he put it in his mouth. He started to chew and was pleasantly surprised by the taste. He was going to get through this successfully. He didn’t miss the way Burky smiled as he took his own bite or the way his eyes trailed over Nate, either. Nate glanced up at Andre and gave his own little smile back before he nervously picked up another piece of a different roll. The routine continued, both of them stealing small glances and smiles at each other before their plates were gone and mochi ice cream placed in front of them. 

Now this Nate could get behind, but he really needed to talk, and he knew that. 

“Listen, I know that . . . I’ve been off lately,” Nate started with a grimace. 

“Off? You’ve been an ass,” Burky countered, popping a bite of ice cream in his mouth. 

Nate grunted, rubbing a hand over his face, “Okay, so I’ve been awful.” 

“Yes, go on,” Andre agreed, watching him. 

“I just, I haven’t been handling myself the best,” Nate skirted around the apology, trying to devise the best way to say it. 

“Uh-huh, you’ve been an ass, continue,” the Swede watched him. 

“Ugh, okay, yeah, I’ve been taking shit out on you and it’s not fair. You’ve been like, nothing but perfect, you know? And, like, here I am grumping around like an old man. Worse than EJ even,” Nate’s nose turned up at the thought, his head shaking a little in disgust with himself. 

“Way worse than Johnson. . . “ Andre countered. 

“Fine, I’ve been horrible and I’ve treated you like shit. I’m trying to say I’m sorry here, and you’re making it harder,” Nate grunted. 

Andre gave him a smirk and took another bite of ice cream. 

“Okay, I’m sorry. You’ve been awesome. I’ve been an ass, and I’m sorry. I’ve put you into shitty spots, pretty much every time you come over, and I feel horrible for it,” Nate sighed. 

“Well, then change your actions. Show me it’s not going to be that way. ‘Cause, honestly, I don’t have to put up with your shit, but I like being around you, and I think you like being around me, so,” Andre shrugged. 

Nate watched him with intent eyes, admiring the way he was able to just blurt out his thoughts and feelings. Nate envied when people could say what they were thinking. Tyson had been that way, too. 

“I haven’t given you a fair shot, and I’m sorry, okay? I just, I don’t want you to hate me, ‘cause I think we could be really good, and I like you being around, and I really like how you don’t judge my sweat pants and, like, how you sleep through everything. I also really like how you tell me to shut up when I’m being dramatic and-” Nate continued. 

“Shut up,” Andre said with a sigh and stole one of Nate’s ice cream balls. “Eat your dessert before it melts.” 

Nate gave him a smile, nodding, “Okay.” 

“I forgive you,” Andre said. 

The blonde felt his stomach flip as he looked over at him, nodding with a smile. 

“You have to think about me, though, too, Nate,” he paused, looking up at him. “I have feelings, and they get hurt. I know you’re hurting, and I’m sorry, but you don’t get to use me as your punching bag, okay? This is a give and take kind of thing,” Andre added. 

“I understand,” Nate started. 

“No talking, just listening. You have to prove it, okay?” 

“Of course,” Nate nodded. It was going to be his goal. 

This was going to work out. One way or another. Nate was going to make sure of that.

*** 

Prove it he did. Nate made sure to keep himself accountable. If he started to slip, he’d remind himself, that Andre was worth this. He needed this man in his life,  _ wanted _ him in his life. For the first time since Tyson had left, Nate was feeling like he had figured himself out again. Nate knew that he needed to show that he was capable of being a responsible and mature human being in a relationship, and not there just to have an emotional punching bag. So, he did what had always been done for him. 

He listened, he made dinners (okay so he ordered in takeout, but he provided food), and he provided his ears. He validated, he snuggled, and he reaffirmed that he wanted to be here. Slowly, he felt himself heal and felt like he was home again. 

He and Burky were curled up on the sofa, watching House Hunters, when one of the couples started to complain that the ocean was too loud in the beachfront house. He snorted, but the response from Andre was music to Nate’s ears. He glanced at Andre, and couldn’t help but smile. Andre’s smile was a mile wide, his head was tipped back, his eyes had rolled in annoyance, and he was laughing as if he was being tickled. Nate couldn’t help but grin and giggle himself. 

He was caught staring as Burky quieted down and looked over at Nate with soft eyes. Nate gave him a smile before he reached out and brushed his hand over Andre’s face gently. 

“What?” Burky asked with a grin, cheeks flushed from his giggling. 

“Thank you,” Nate spoke softly, eyes intent on Andre. 

“For what?” Burky turned a bit, listening wholly to Nate. 

“Everything . . . being you, putting up with me, watching House Hunters after a shitty New Years’ Game,” he chuckled. 

“Always, Nate.” Andre gave him a smile, before he reached out for Nate’s hand, lacing their fingers together. 

Nate grinned and pulled their clasped hands up to his lips, kissing Burky’s hand. 

“I’m going to risk sounding sappy, but I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be tonight than with you,” his cheeks flushed red. 

“Aww, Nate, getting soft on me?” Andre teased. 

“Maybe so,” he laughed, shrugging. 

“It’s okay, I like it,” Andre winked, sending a chill to Nate’s spine. 

“Yeah?” Nate asked softly. 

“Yeah,” Burky nodded with an air of finality. 

Nate grinned and glanced up at the clock. Almost midnight. 

“Burky?” Nate asked, head tilted. 

“Hmm?” he hummed, turning his attention back to Nate. 

“Can I kiss you?” Nate was hesitant in asking. 

“Of course,” Burky laughed. 

“You know what they say about New Years’ kisses, though, right?” Nate asked. 

“No, what?” Andre asked. 

“Kissing someone at midnight means twelve months of happiness and affection,” Nate added softly. 

“Yeah? Is that what they say?” Andre hummed. 

“Yeah. . .it’s one of those traditions or old wives tales I think.” Nate shrugged, feeling ridiculous now. 

“Hmm, well, sounds pretty perfect to me,” Andre added with a smile. 

Nate smiled brightly and leaned into Andre, gently resting his hand on the Andre’s cheek as he pressed a soft kiss to his lips, deepening the kiss when Burky opened his mouth. The clock struck midnight, and they were oblivious, lost in each other’s kisses. 

Pulling apart, finally, Nate grabbed his phone, and took a selfie with Burky, posting it to his Snapchat story. Gabe would get off his back for not coming out tonight if he saw this. After he posted, he saw that Tyson had posted to his story. He opened the bubble, to see Tyson and Morgan standing with champagne flutes. He felt a bubble of relief and happiness to see Tyson’s happiness, too. He was perusing the next story, when Andre bumped him and made him pose for another selfie, his own phone vibrating in his lap with an alert. 

He glanced down after the photo, leaning into Burky’s side as he opened the app. It was Tyson. Nate bit his lip, but opened the message anyways.  _ “Happy New Year, Dogg. Glad to see you’re doing okay.”  _ Nate felt a smile and quickly responded,  _ “You too, Brutes. I’m better than okay. Have a safe night.”  _ He put his phone down, and smiled to himself, before he looked over at Andre again. He really was okay. And he was happy. 

***

Nate woke up tucked into Andre’s frame, an arm over his hip, and a soft puff of air on his shoulder. He smiled softly, curling back into Burky, pulling the man closer as he sighed happily. He turned gently and ran his fingertips over Andre’s cheek, smiling as he took in his sweet face. Those lashes, those lips, that perfect nose. Nate could have made a list of all of his facial features that warmed his heart, but for now, he was going to memorize the contours of Andre’s face. He didn’t know what had made it feel acceptable, but  _ finally _ he felt like all was right in his world again. This feeling of having Andre beside him made sense. It had become his new normal, and he was more than okay with the way it felt. 

  
  


FIN 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I hope you have enjoyed this piece! I'm planning to write Tyson's POV. So please stay tuned! All feedback welcomed and appreciated!


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